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There are some serious factual mistakes in the essay. For example, you say Asia’s population decreased, when in actual fact it increased from 950 million to over 3.6 billion from 1900 to 2000.
Also, “synopsize” is not a word that is in common use. Use “to summarize”.
For a full edit and comment, submit the essay for editing through your “my student account”. If you look in the right place, you can even find some discount coupons for editing services!